#COAA2 Relationship Talks with COCO: Talking Stages, Dating, Love.
Updated: Feb 13, 2022
So, a lot of people have been bugging me to talk about romantic relationships. Not my favourite topic can’t lie. It’s a mix between me never having experienced it, so I don’t feel qualified to discuss it and me just honestly finding the topic boring. I will tell you why.
I’m very cynical about relationships. To me, Its like a gamble which more often than not, earns you losses. But I guess its also a thing of perspective. Yeah yeah yeah I know, I sound like Scrooge himself right now. But think about it, relationships are rarely long-lasting and when there they are, its only because both parties would have decided to overlook years of dissatisfaction, disappointments and detachment. I guess you could say the bliss in relationships is transitory. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not cynical about love, I love LOVE. I think love can grow anywhere, between whomever, even unwillingly. But love is not everything. Love can only get you so far before the skeletons of habitual differences and adversaries begin to arise. That seems to be the downfall of most relationships; committing to the love, the feeling- but not each other. (wod wod wod).
I also feel like, love is so romanticised, so much so that people fall in love with the idea of being in love, than actually loving an individual. Loving is a huge responsibility, that many don’t put thought into. Loving is not just cute dates and ‘goals’ posts on Instagram. I think you need to be at the right age of maturity not only to understand love but also to enjoy it. Allowing another individual access to the most intimate depths of you is not something to take lightly. In that same token, you’re also accepting the responsibility of someone else’s truth which is also very sacred.
I always leave people in shock when I disclose (the very fortunate truth) that I have never been in a relationship. First of all, I’m an old soul. If its not the kinda love Lauryn Hill sang about in ‘Tell him’ then ion want it. I want a genuine, organic love with minimal politics. Evidently, that’s a lot to ask for in this generation. Men don’t know how to woo women anymore. I mean coming in my dms/snap with the same ‘hey x’ as every other boy is not going to make me take an interest in you. And don’t get me started on that ‘Yo’. Like can you come up with something else? (s/o Ms Juicy). Those types of messages do not show genuine interest in someone. Then there’s that heinous 4-12 month talking stage.
Wait, can we just get rid of this lie that a talking stage is just two people getting to know each other as ‘friends’? At the end of the day, Its all about motive, your intentions with this talking stage is to figure out if you like my personality enough to date me. Its not so you can become my friend then boom, conveniently, you find out you actually like me as more than friends. That’s not true. Most times when talking stages fail. You two will never speak again! So, if you were talking to be friends, why are you not talking still when the relationship aspect fails? (chile pls…)Personally, I like clear motives, if you like me and you want to talk to me more, to see if we can forge a relationship, say that. If you want to talk to me so we can be friends, say that. So we both know what we’re working towards. Cause let me tell you something about me, I don’t care, if you tell me you want to be my friend, I will deliberately ignore all your romantic advances, friends you want, friends we shall be. You should have been honest about your motives. (NEXT CALLERR).
While on the topic of talking stages, personally I think the talking stage and dating are synonymous and its even redundant that they are split into two processes. The whole point of dating is to get to know the person: phone calls, texts, dates and then when your feelings are more elaborate, you finally ask them to be yours, exclusively. That process should not take that long. I can’t for the life of my edges understand why people are going through 12 month talking stages and then still coming out of it single?? (looool my man said 12-month free trial. Some of you are even doing relationship responsibilities while still in the talking stage? Whew ya’ll are better than me.)
(Chile anyway so)…back to the topic, personally, I just want someone who is honest in who they are. From the jump, just be honest and give me the choice to see if I want to be with you. All these charades and facades are not for me. Anyone who knows me would tell you I’m straight vodka, no chaser. Always very candid and I expect the same sentiment back, even in the beginning. Tell me why you want to get to know me. And trust me I know if you’re lying because the honest answer would be ‘you have a fat back and I found that attractive’. Not always, but usually. I will probably still air you (cause negro I ain’t a piece of meat), but I would respect that way more than a ‘ur just different’.
All in all, I think relationships are great cocoons for support, security and companionship, amongst other things. Like I said, I’m a love fanatic, I believe loving and being loved is one of the purest forms of human connection. (quite ironic since my name means love). It’s all the junk that comes with romantic love that I’m not a big fan of. Let’s get this straight, love does not equate to loyalty. And I feel like people always muddle those two together. Someone can love you with their whole being and still do a great disservice to you. (LOL I ain’t wanna trigger anyone by saying cheat).
(Aunty was preaching baby)
The main thing to understand is that a relationship consists of two or more people whom are their own entities. They have their own beliefs and practices which may differ to yours right? This aspect of individualism actually ends up being the demise of many relationships because a lot of these ‘personal beliefs’ are not being put on the forefront before the relationship begins. Everyone is trying to put on a façade to impress the other. As cliché as it sounds, honesty is the best policy and I think it’s key in any relationship.
This is going to become a miniseries if you will, so count this as the 1st entry of Relationship Talks with Coco.
What has Coco been listening to?
I Care 4 you (Aaliyah)
Where I wanna be (Donnel Jones)
Brave (Jhene Aiko)
My song (H.E.R)
Enough/Better (City girls)
Let me know what you think and see you on the next one cocobeans.